burglar running with plunder

Gitti and the Burglars

The misadventures of Gitti, the unluckiest woman in Germany - an ode to love, loss and Hausratversicherung (Part 1)
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Gitti lay dreaming
Of all things German
Of Bratwurst and Bier
And her boyfriend named Hermann.

But wait,
What was that?
A footstep, a creak?
She listened again
Heard voices speak.

She sat bolt upright
Now fully awake
In the next room,
She heard a vase break.

Now, Gitti, our girl,
Was no shrinking violet
In soundless Hausschuhe
She crept past the toilet.

She opened her cupboard
And went through her tools
Found what she needed
To deal with these fools.

She switched on the light
And feeling quite plucky
Pickaxe in hand
Hollered “Do you feel lucky?”

A crash from the next room
A shout, a bawl
Gitti gave chase
As they raced down the hall.

Out through the door
And into the night
“Verdammt!” Gitti yelled
With all of her might.

She went through her flat
To see what was taken
Her laptop, her tablet
Her English-style bacon.

Pouring herself
A large glass of wine
She called Hermann
To tell of this Schwein-on-Schwein crime.

Hermann was soothing
Admired her endurance
Asked if she had
Home contents insurance.

“Oh, Hermann so German
Joy oh joy, JA!
I do, I do!
I do with Coya!”

She called the police
And filed a report
Of all that was missing
From laptop to pork.

She contacted Coya
And told them her story
Backed up with photos
Receipts and inventory.

They checked it all out
The claim was good
They’d process brave Gitti
As fast as they could.

The chapter was closed
She felt full of cheer
She invited Hermann
Out for a Bier.

“Hermann, mein Schatz
You’re so reassuring
Without you
I’d never have thought of insuring.”

Hermann just smiled
Gitti’s breath caught
Only a German
Could make insurance seem hot.

Written by Linda O'Grady, co-author of From the Bürgeramt to the Bedroom.

Follow Gitti's adventures

Part 2: Gitti and the water damage

Part 3: Gitti and the storm

Part 4: Gitti and the fire

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